My friends are having sex and I am not

By a UTK sophomore

i’ve never had sex.

while my lack of experience never really meant anything to me in high school, that mindset changed by the time i got to college. the majority of my friends (easily over 90%) have had sex. the conversations i’ve had with my friends about their sex lives are often hilarious, and i’m glad they’re comfortable talking to me about that part of themselves. while i’m truly happy that my friends are having fun and enjoying themselves, i can’t help but wonder what i’m doing wrong. i hate it when i can’t find the answers to amusing, sex-related icebreakers, but i especially hate that i can’t relate to my friends. this inability to relate generates massive insecurity. am i not aggressive enough? am i too loud when i laugh? do i have too much acne on my face? is my body undesirable? are my self-esteem problems that obvious? the list of questions is indefinite and disheartening.  

while i know that my self-worth is not tied to the amount of sex i have or haven’t had, i find it often difficult to separate the two. it’s difficult to exist in a society where women are demonized for the amount of sex they have, but that is another topic for a different day. i shouldn’t feel this way. i shouldn’t feel like i’m an inadequate or incomplete because i’ve never had a dick inside me. i shouldn’t feel like i’m missing something because i have never been eaten out. i shouldn’t be jealous or envious of other people for having sex, and i definitely shouldn’t be beating myself up about not having sex. BUT I DO. i don’t really have any solutions to get rid of these feelings. i don’t know what i’m supposed to do, and that terrifies me.

Sticky Situations

By a fourth year student at UTK

I like to masturbate. Sometimes right when I wake up to have a good start to my day, or right before I go to bed to let out all my tension. My favorite time to masturbate is in the middle of the day. I’ll sit around waiting for my roommate to leave, double checking by asking “oh, where ya goin?” as if I cared about my roommate’s life. No, I’m really making sure they will be gone at least 2 minutes and up to 50 minutes, depending on my level of horniness and how much I don’t want to do homework. In these moments, all I want to do is take off all my clothes, blast my porn through my headphones, and masturbate.

But it can be messy. It’s as if my cum has a mind of its own. Jizz isn’t the easiest or clearest substance in the world, and I don’t know how many times I’ve rolled back into bed and questioned why my sheets were sticky. I also shoot a lot. It’s uncontrollable, like a sprinkler that soaks the grass but also the sidewalk, the buildings, and people as they walk by. I never know where it goes. Lately it’s been shooting onto my face no matter where I aim my penis. I close my eyes and mouth to avoid it. Sometimes I don’t get it all before going out, and I awkwardly feel something sticky. Uh, oh. Yup, that’s my cum on my face.

closer (further)

By a UTK student

Closer together and further apart. There is no progression. Only memory, trust, constant creation. Sensitivity, trying to figure out is this ok for you and is it ok for me, what do you want and what do I want, constantly changing every second. Whether that’s space or closeness. We all need closeness, right? Except sometimes we need space. Every second is progression, regression, push and pull, give and take. Do we keep trying? At what point do we give up and decide we need to be safe? I feel safe with you.. and you feel safe with me, right? But not safe with the closeness. This kind of closeness that brings up old pain. Safe with me, but not safe with the pain. I don’t want to make you feel that pain if you don’t want to. I don’t really want to feel my old pain either. Love, just closer and further pain. No rules, no expectations, just every second feeling out if this is ok. If this is what we need, to keep breathing.

3-6 =/= 7-9

By: A UTK Sophomore

So I found this chart today that displays the average penis sizes from people of different countries.

Take a look at it for yourself here, if you’d like:

The sizes range from the high end of 3 inches to the high end of 6 inches. According to the website that posted this chart, the international average is around 5.5 inches, and only 3% of men worldwide have penises larger than 8 inches.

I guess with that in mind, my question is this: why do we feel so compelled to lie about penis sizes? I don’t mean just men–we all know at least one girl who brags about her boyfriend’s ginormous cock, but statistics show she’s 99% bullshitting.

So if the average man is sporting a dick that’s somewhere between 4-6, why is it so normal for us to expect average joe to be packing an above average boner?

I wonder if this is also something that occurs with women’s bodies, too.

Do people expect women to have the hairless bubblegum pink, soft-shell taco of a vulva so often featured in porn? Do people lie about the size of their partner’s labia or clitoris?

I’ve rambled a bit here, but I guess the point I want to make is that people’s expectations of genitals seem to be rooted more in porn and fantasy than in reality, and that’s honestly pretty fucked up.

I’m ready for us to start celebrating the reality of our bodies and stop feeling ashamed of our uniqueness.