Untitled

by Anonymous 

I have burned you out—

it stank

and the smell still lingers in my clothes

my hair

my memories.

So I put some Febreze on that shit and open a window

to air you out.

But

your ashes and dust nestled in the cracks and corners of my home

as if they had the right to be there.

I shift,

and you are back, a cloud that makes me sneeze

cough

gasp for air.

So I blow my nose and grab a drink.

I have burned you out,

however

you still remain as an annoying reminder.

But do not think

that I won’t find another way

to finish what I started.

Trying

by a UT Fourth Year

I’m trying to be normal. I’m trying to re-learn how to love and to be loved.

I’m trying to enter into new relationships. I’m trying to act like sex means nothing to me. I’m trying to tell new lovers the darkest pieces of me and not have them run away the minute they hear the word “survivor.”

I’m trying to live as I did before your hand pushing on the back of my neck took everything away from me. I’m trying to convince myself that it’s even possible.

I’m trying to remove guilt from myself. I’m trying to believe none of this is my fault. I’m trying not to cry.

I’m trying to find someone who will accept my cracks and heal with me. I’m trying to trust that I am not alone.

I’m trying to love myself.

I’m just trying, and it really fucking sucks.

Untitled

by a UTK Sophomore 

Shake, Take, Send,
Awake, Beneath, the End.
Flames, Heat, Burn,
Practice, Communication, Turns.
His response fuels me.

 Up, Slack, or in Between,
His Dick is Mine to See.
From Above, Below, or the Side,
My Pussy is His to Decide.
Our Bodies set us Free. 

 Touch, Bite, Grab,
Tie, Bind, Gag.
Thrust, Moan, Scream,
Hang me up from your Beam.
Don’t make me Plea. 

 Cum, Cum, Cum,
Sweat, Breathing, Numb.
Satisfied, Pleased, Relax,
My Nails have left Tracks. 

I love when We Make Whoopee.

Pissed

By Anonymous 

Why is it when I ask you to come over, you are busy and will try to make it. But when you are horny, I’m the one that has to drop my shit and run to you. Why is it that I am shamed when I invite myself over, that it is “very bold” of me to have even asked. We both agreed to this. So why is it wrong for me to want you but perfectly fine for the opposite?

We set up dates, you bail. I think, ‘Maybe we should start sexting. That will get him to invite me over!’ Instead I get “Cool”, “Yup”, “Nah”, and so fucking help me “K”. I send you nudes, you open them, then send back pictures of your dog. I honestly don’t know why I try with you.

You piss me the fuck off when I just want you to get me off. 

My friends are having sex and I am not

By a UTK sophomore

i’ve never had sex.

while my lack of experience never really meant anything to me in high school, that mindset changed by the time i got to college. the majority of my friends (easily over 90%) have had sex. the conversations i’ve had with my friends about their sex lives are often hilarious, and i’m glad they’re comfortable talking to me about that part of themselves. while i’m truly happy that my friends are having fun and enjoying themselves, i can’t help but wonder what i’m doing wrong. i hate it when i can’t find the answers to amusing, sex-related icebreakers, but i especially hate that i can’t relate to my friends. this inability to relate generates massive insecurity. am i not aggressive enough? am i too loud when i laugh? do i have too much acne on my face? is my body undesirable? are my self-esteem problems that obvious? the list of questions is indefinite and disheartening.  

while i know that my self-worth is not tied to the amount of sex i have or haven’t had, i find it often difficult to separate the two. it’s difficult to exist in a society where women are demonized for the amount of sex they have, but that is another topic for a different day. i shouldn’t feel this way. i shouldn’t feel like i’m an inadequate or incomplete because i’ve never had a dick inside me. i shouldn’t feel like i’m missing something because i have never been eaten out. i shouldn’t be jealous or envious of other people for having sex, and i definitely shouldn’t be beating myself up about not having sex. BUT I DO. i don’t really have any solutions to get rid of these feelings. i don’t know what i’m supposed to do, and that terrifies me.