By a UTK sophomore
i’ve never had sex.
while my lack of experience never really meant anything to me in high school, that mindset changed by the time i got to college. the majority of my friends (easily over 90%) have had sex. the conversations i’ve had with my friends about their sex lives are often hilarious, and i’m glad they’re comfortable talking to me about that part of themselves. while i’m truly happy that my friends are having fun and enjoying themselves, i can’t help but wonder what i’m doing wrong. i hate it when i can’t find the answers to amusing, sex-related icebreakers, but i especially hate that i can’t relate to my friends. this inability to relate generates massive insecurity. am i not aggressive enough? am i too loud when i laugh? do i have too much acne on my face? is my body undesirable? are my self-esteem problems that obvious? the list of questions is indefinite and disheartening.
while i know that my self-worth is not tied to the amount of sex i have or haven’t had, i find it often difficult to separate the two. it’s difficult to exist in a society where women are demonized for the amount of sex they have, but that is another topic for a different day. i shouldn’t feel this way. i shouldn’t feel like i’m an inadequate or incomplete because i’ve never had a dick inside me. i shouldn’t feel like i’m missing something because i have never been eaten out. i shouldn’t be jealous or envious of other people for having sex, and i definitely shouldn’t be beating myself up about not having sex. BUT I DO. i don’t really have any solutions to get rid of these feelings. i don’t know what i’m supposed to do, and that terrifies me.
The first time I ever orgasmed I was a sophomore in college. Up until that point I had no idea what I was missing out on. I honestly never considered masturbation until I was in college. My high school was one that told you that sex was a terrible thing and that anything involved with it was a no no. So I never really knew what I was missing. It wasn’t until my friend told me about it that I really thought about even trying. This same friend even helped me buy my first vibrator.
I had decided that I was going to masturbate at night on a Friday. Why I decided this, I have no idea. I guess I wasn’t sure what all was going to happen. I really thought that I would be broken the next day. HA. You can see how sad my life is when I think having a single orgasm will put me out for a day. Anyway, I then decided that I was going to masturbate in my favorite place in my house, the bathroom. So the shower it was.
Friday night, I grabbed my vibrator and headed to the shower. Again, I had no idea what the heck I was doing. I started masturbating and nothing happened. Then I could only focus on the fact that nothing was happening, which made me more uncomfortable and more scared that I am going to be the only woman in the world that couldn’t cum. By this time my water had gone cold and my sexy feeling was completely gone. I really started to get worried that my body was messed up and I even thought about calling my doctor.
However, I did not give up. I went to my bed, tried again, and BOOM it happened! I literally had no idea that something could feel so amazing and empowering. I truly felt sexy. This was the first time that I could control my body and make it listen to me and what I wanted. I was able to make my whole body shake with one flick of my fingers. To me, there is something powerful about that. My confidence went through the roof and I am so proud of myself.
I am very proud to say that I can and will cum. 🙂
By a fourth year student at UTK
I like to masturbate. Sometimes right when I wake up to have a good start to my day, or right before I go to bed to let out all my tension. My favorite time to masturbate is in the middle of the day. I’ll sit around waiting for my roommate to leave, double checking by asking “oh, where ya goin?” as if I cared about my roommate’s life. No, I’m really making sure they will be gone at least 2 minutes and up to 50 minutes, depending on my level of horniness and how much I don’t want to do homework. In these moments, all I want to do is take off all my clothes, blast my porn through my headphones, and masturbate.
But it can be messy. It’s as if my cum has a mind of its own. Jizz isn’t the easiest or clearest substance in the world, and I don’t know how many times I’ve rolled back into bed and questioned why my sheets were sticky. I also shoot a lot. It’s uncontrollable, like a sprinkler that soaks the grass but also the sidewalk, the buildings, and people as they walk by. I never know where it goes. Lately it’s been shooting onto my face no matter where I aim my penis. I close my eyes and mouth to avoid it. Sometimes I don’t get it all before going out, and I awkwardly feel something sticky. Uh, oh. Yup, that’s my cum on my face.
By a UTK student
Closer together and further apart. There is no progression. Only memory, trust, constant creation. Sensitivity, trying to figure out is this ok for you and is it ok for me, what do you want and what do I want, constantly changing every second. Whether that’s space or closeness. We all need closeness, right? Except sometimes we need space. Every second is progression, regression, push and pull, give and take. Do we keep trying? At what point do we give up and decide we need to be safe? I feel safe with you.. and you feel safe with me, right? But not safe with the closeness. This kind of closeness that brings up old pain. Safe with me, but not safe with the pain. I don’t want to make you feel that pain if you don’t want to. I don’t really want to feel my old pain either. Love, just closer and further pain. No rules, no expectations, just every second feeling out if this is ok. If this is what we need, to keep breathing.
Before college and my first Sex Week, I probably only heard the word sex said in my house twice. Once when I was little and asked what sex was, and the second time when my parents ignored the first and I asked again. I never even knew what a vagina was until the fifth grade when we watched a “Your body and you” video. I never in all my 18 years of living at home heard the words vagina or penis. My parents were like many in my hometown, leaving sex education in the hands of the public school system. Sure I learned all the basics like; what a vagina is, what a penis is, and how they all work, but I never fully understood how it all worked together. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school when my best friend lost her V-card, did I realize that I still had no idea what sex really was.
Coming into college I was terrified of sex. I figured by now most people at least knew how sex worked or had had it before. Hell, by this point I had only had one boyfriend in high school. So I started to dwell on how sucky I would be at sex. What if I couldn’t please my boyfriend? What if he couldn’t please me?
All of these questions were running through my mind until the first Sex Week event I went to. I know for a fact I heard the words sex, vagina, and penis at least 20 times each. It was such a change to hear these words being tossed around like it was completely normal. Then I realized that sex IS normal. My whole view of what I thought sex was or was not changed. No longer was I scared that a man would find it weird or funny that I was still a virgin, because after Sex Week I did not/do not give a rat’s ass what he or anyone else thinks about my sex life. For the first time in my life I am comfortable with my sexual decisions and attitudes. Thanks to Sex Week I am able to feel free from the pressures of society, to think or act or do sex a certain way. I see that sex is a great thing and doesn’t need to be a “behind doors” subject.